The wind whipped around my ankles and the sand stung my skin. I was so miserable without being able to come here the stinging sensation going on around my ankles in a whirlwind didn't faze me in the least. I had waited too long and ached to be back. It's like I couldn't run anymore, couldn't hide, couldn't bear to be away from it. I needed the beach like some people need to breathe, like lovers need to be in each others' arms. I needed the beach like some people need a drug or crave chocolates.
I need to know that I am small in a life that seems immensely full of big issues, strong pressures, huge problems and overwhelming stress. I need to sense, feel and see the powers that are stronger than I am. Sand being even smaller than I, but having the power of the wind behind it causing my ankles to sting as the grains of sand whipped across them.
I walked up the dock toward the ocean and in addition to the sand, now, I had sweet grasses, sharp as razors making it a bittersweet sensation by pulling my skirt and rustling like wheat in a field back home in Indiana. This was home to me now, and was at peace within myself now that I was close to my biggest reason for coming here. I longed to live by the water.
I could hear the waves crashing on the surf now. I could smell the salt water and almost taste it in my lips as I got closer to the crest of the dunes. I kicked off my shoes and ran. The urge had taken over my legs and I just tumbled out onto the island. My secret place, my hideaway, my haven, MY place and the waves slammed on the shore as I raced toward them.
Regardless of how cold the water was, regardless of the time of day, this was home to my heart. All my life I had grown up and wanted the comfort of this place to fill my heart with peace in some way and it had always done so for me. It hadn't failed me yet, today included.
It didn't matter where I resided, what "place" I was in my life. The beach and the ocean of Sullivan's Island, near station 19, would always be home for me and was the only constant I had ever had. Through deaths, births, and regular issues in my daily life, I could always come here. Sometimes it took months or days or weeks or many hours, but I could always come and just BE in the same spot. Now that I lived nearby, it took less effort in some ways and I ached for it.
I could put my feet in the water. I could simply sit on the side and breathe deep breaths until the tears came or stopped. I was smaller than the rest of the world here and it overwhelmed me instead of whatever was on my mind. I spread out my arms, I heard the seagulls, and I felt the water taste my toes and sighed. This is where I belonged today, and a part of me would for the rest of my life.
10/07/2008
I need to know that I am small in a life that seems immensely full of big issues, strong pressures, huge problems and overwhelming stress. I need to sense, feel and see the powers that are stronger than I am. Sand being even smaller than I, but having the power of the wind behind it causing my ankles to sting as the grains of sand whipped across them.
I walked up the dock toward the ocean and in addition to the sand, now, I had sweet grasses, sharp as razors making it a bittersweet sensation by pulling my skirt and rustling like wheat in a field back home in Indiana. This was home to me now, and was at peace within myself now that I was close to my biggest reason for coming here. I longed to live by the water.
I could hear the waves crashing on the surf now. I could smell the salt water and almost taste it in my lips as I got closer to the crest of the dunes. I kicked off my shoes and ran. The urge had taken over my legs and I just tumbled out onto the island. My secret place, my hideaway, my haven, MY place and the waves slammed on the shore as I raced toward them.
Regardless of how cold the water was, regardless of the time of day, this was home to my heart. All my life I had grown up and wanted the comfort of this place to fill my heart with peace in some way and it had always done so for me. It hadn't failed me yet, today included.
It didn't matter where I resided, what "place" I was in my life. The beach and the ocean of Sullivan's Island, near station 19, would always be home for me and was the only constant I had ever had. Through deaths, births, and regular issues in my daily life, I could always come here. Sometimes it took months or days or weeks or many hours, but I could always come and just BE in the same spot. Now that I lived nearby, it took less effort in some ways and I ached for it.
I could put my feet in the water. I could simply sit on the side and breathe deep breaths until the tears came or stopped. I was smaller than the rest of the world here and it overwhelmed me instead of whatever was on my mind. I spread out my arms, I heard the seagulls, and I felt the water taste my toes and sighed. This is where I belonged today, and a part of me would for the rest of my life.
10/07/2008
No comments:
Post a Comment